Leopard Shoes and a 22

I discovered something about myself on Thanksgiving this year and surprisingly it has nothing to do with food.

It has to do with weaponry.

I like to shoot guns.

But only at inanimate targets.

Don’t worry, I didn’t shoot a turkey.

I don’t even like turkey that much.

I’m more of a side dish kind of girl…

…Who likes to shoot guns.

I’m not really sure how we got on the topic, but I asked Uncle Brian if there were any guns I could shoot for fun.  After our noon Thanksgiving meal, he came back with a 22 rifle.  We piled into Papa’s truck and headed to one of the farms to do some damage.

Figuratively speaking, anyway.

When we got to the farm, my dad set up a very sophisticated 100ft target: a bucket on a stick.

We like to keep things simple in my family.

My cousins Lauren and Kristen shot first as I had not a clue what I was doing and thought I would benefit from watching them shoot a few rounds.

When it was my turn, I picked up the rifle, spent about 5 minutes trying to get my grip/stance/hair (joke) just right and then slowly pulled the trigger.

Click.

There were no shells left in the rifle.

Man, was that anti-climactic.

Uncle Brian reloaded the gun and I took a couple of shots.  In all of the shots we took, the bucket never moved.  We went to check it out and discovered several holes in the bucket (dear Liza, dear Liza), but the mystery remains who actually hit the target.

I asked for a different target that I could actually tell if I hit so my dad set up a small, empty water bottle.  Having had some trouble getting comfortable shooting with my right hand given that my left eye is dominant, I decided to test out shooting lefty even though I’m right-handed.

Please take note of my highly appropriate attire for this activity.

I set up the shot amidst a cloud of skepticism from my family.

I pulled the trigger and wouldn’t you know I hit that dang bottle on my first lefty shot?

Here’s my trophy shot.  The bullet hole was right smack in the middle of the bottle.  I nailed that sucker.

Cousin Lauren nailed another sucker.

We set up some more targets and I managed to continue with a decent success rate shooting lefty.

That was fun.

Watch out.  I’m armed and dangerous and fabulous now.

Y’all be careful,

Sugarlump

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Puss in Loafers

My cats have a well-documented history with shoes.  They just can’t get enough.

When my parents were visiting a little while back, Gus found himself trying on some loafers.

Maybe he thought these smart looking shoes would increase his IQ.

He does look awfully serious.

Trying to look natural.  I guess he thinks he’ll grow into these, physically and intellectually.

He has a long way to go.

The poor dear.

Y’all come back,

Sugarlump

Dynamic Duo

When we were little, cousin Lauren and I were a seriously dynamic duo. Every time I would come to visit, we got into all sorts of things at Granny and Papa’s. We had miniature chairs (which I believe had been … Continue reading

Things I Never Tire Of

Things of which I never tire:

1)      Sunsets

2)      Laughter

3)      Shoes

4)      Floor plans

5)      Chocolate

6)      Family and close friends

7)      Mystery

8)      Sitting on a porch

9)      The unconditional love of my little furballs

10)   Mexican food

In an ideal moment, I would be sitting on a porch of a home I designed the floor plan of, with family and friends, furballs at my feet, eating Mexican food followed by something chocolate, while laughing in a fabulous pair of shoes, pondering the great mystery that is life, as the sun sets.

 

Y’all keep it real,

Sugarlump

Natural Instincts

I caught Gus snuggling with my zebra flats the other day. 

 

He was determined to rest his chin on them no matter how much of his dignity it cost him.

It appears he’s having a bit of an identity crisis.  I think he thinks he’s a Zebra. 

Same colors.  Wrong pattern.  Sorry, Gus.

 

He’s not taking this talk very well. 

 

It’s turned his world upside down.

 

He’s not giving up so easily.  He has claimed these shoes as his own.

 

Scarlett can’t stand to be associated with this nonsense.

 

She does, however, think that her natural habitat is a cardboard box.  I don’t know what to make of this.

 

You two are a rare breed.

But you make me laugh.

Y’all come back,

Sugarlump

A Woman of My Word

I talked to dear little Eugene on Skype today.  We discussed many things about her first week in Paris, the most important of those being the shopping of course.  She showed me her latest finds, one of which was a pair of shoes.  Men’s style, smoking slippers in cheetah print.  They will look adorable on her because she has narrow feet and a high arch so even though they are based on a men’s style shoe, her feet won’t look manly in them.  Seeing my favorable reaction, Eugene asked me if I might want a pair.  I had considered this a while back when this style starting appearing in stores here and had come to the conclusion that my less narrow and less-arch-y feet might not look so cute in these shoes, but instead rather manly.  Eeek.

So I told Eugene that I would be passing on smoking slippers, but to let me know if she found any pretty blouses.  Surely those won’t look masculine on me.

Not two hours later, I was at the mall shopping for some black pants for work when I somehow found myself in the 65% off shoe racks at Dillards.  I really have no idea how these things happen.  I think it has something to do with a gravitational pull.   Some sort of fundamental law of physics pertaining to women and shoes.  I believe it’s called Prada’s law.

 

Anyway, I was circling the 7/7.5 rack like a lioness on the hunt for food for her cubs, when I ran across these little smoking slipper gems.  I had seen them when they first hit stores a few months back.  I had picked them up, swooned, considered the manliness factor, decided they might not be so bad due to their colorfulness, sequins, and hint of animal print, and then I put them back on the display because I couldn’t justify such a novelty purchase when I needed more basic and versatile shoes for work.  

When I came across them again this evening, I was still on the hunt for practical shoes for work, but these shoes were much more enticing and justifiable at 65% off.  I put them on with my black yoga pants.  They didn’t look half-bad.  I shook my head, telling myself that these were superfluous.  Very fun, but certainly not what I need right now.  I put them back on the shelf and walked around trying to find some basic black wedges, which have proven to be impossible to find this year. 

 

Black wedge-less, I kept finding myself in front of the semi-manly, awesome shoes and I kept telling myself that I really didn’t need them.

But it didn’t matter.  Because you just can’t say no to fabulous.  

 

Precisely two hours and fifteen minutes after telling my sister that I didn’t want any smoking slippers, I purchased smoking slippers.  

Clearly, I’m a woman of my word.

I can’t wait until Eugene reads this.  I predict a lot of head-shaking.

Y’all stay fabulous,

Sugarlump

Search Terms

WordPress has some pretty spiffy features that allow you to track and analyze your wordpress.com site.   You can see how many page views you’ve had that day and the past few weeks in bar chart format.  You can see where your page has been viewed from across the globe.  You can see which of your posts were viewed and how many times, which links people clicked on from your site and how people arrived at your site.  You can see what you had for breakfast everyday for the past month, where all of your high school friends live and how many pairs of shoes you’ve owned over the course of your life.

Just kidding on that last bit.

I think.

There is really an incredible amount of data that could probably be analyzed to develop a complex strategy for getting more page views, but I just like to look at it and take it all in.  After that, I don’t do a whole lot with it.

While I always check my page views when I sign in, I think my favorite feature to check out is the box of search engine terms.

Now, many of these make sense such as “old cookbooks” or “sister birthday” because I have dedicated entire posts to these topics.  Others, not so much.

Here is a good sampling of search terms that have led people to the Sugarlump:

  • Birdhouse in tree
  • Cat shoes
  • Fried chicken using Crisco all vegetable shortening
  • Sweet potato experiment
  • Scarlett’s birthday
  • Planting pot with dirt
  • My cat Gus
  • Men who love flower gardens
  • Love old cookbooks
  • Sugar sayings
  • Taller sister
  • Dirt rocks
  • Sugar and scared child
  • Growing roman beans
  • Drought sugar 2012
  • Annie Ruby’s café tomato
  • Strawberry one pot biscuit
  • Infant possum
  • My cheetah print chair
  • Dramatic clouds
  • Forced to wear aprons
  • Two people tap dancing
  • Qtip addiction
  • Minnie mouse canopy bed
  • Is Eugene a southern name

Although WordPress doesn’t calculate this statistic for me, I have taken it upon myself to do some extensive trigonometry and differential calculus to determine that in 35.87242% of these searches, the Sugarlump was a relevant result.

Obviously, the result was intriguing enough for 64.1276% to click on the Sugarlump even though I haven’t had anything to share about infant possums or Minnie mouse canopy beds.

Yet.

I would like to thank all of the search algorithms out there for providing me a good laugh on a regular basis and for sending some completely unprepared, soon-to-be baffled souls to the Sugarlump.

Y’all come back,

Sugarlump

P.S.  Various versions of “eugene sugarlump” and “sugarlump eugene” are by far the most popular search terms.  I don’t know what to make of this just yet.  I’ll let you know after I do some more long division.

A Thousand Words

I love this picture because it is so telling.  Here’s what it says:

  1. Scarlett loves shoes, especially platforms.
  2. Scarlett is too cool for school.
  3. Scarlett is thinking to herself as Gus comes into the room, “Oh, not him again.”
  4. Gus looks confused, per usual.
  5. Gus is startled by me lying on the floor.
  6. Gus is cute and innocent.
  7. Scarlett is a punk.
  8. Gus and Scarlett have a complicated relationship as half-siblings.
  9. My apartment could use new carpet and touch up work on the trim.
  10. I have too many pairs of shoes.
  11. Scarlett is plotting her next move.  And that move most likely includes stealing Q-tips from the bathroom closet.
  12. Gus is hungry and searching for someone to serve him some salmon.
  13. I find my cats very entertaining.
  14. I need to get out more.
  15. My cats are spoilt.

Okay, so that was only 139 words.  I could continue, but I think you get the picture.

Y’all come back,

Sugarlump

Seeester’s Birthday

Today is my seeester Eugenice’s birthday.

She came to visit me this weekend and boy did we have a BIG time.

First, we shopped around in downtown Franklin and had an early lunch at Puckett’s.  We left the restaurant to check out a cute little bakery and stumbled upon this completely normal scene on Main Street:

The latest in hybrid vehicles.

Thankfully this guy kept his road rage under control.

Apparently the dress code for this event was formal.

Somehow (perhaps inspired by our canine acquaintance’s fashion statement), we wound up at the mall where I purchased these VERY tall shoes.  I thought that I was going to sneak one by Eugene and finally be taller than her.  But then she also bought some VERY tall shoes.  So I got to be tall and she got to be VERY tall.  At least I was tall.

Here are some very professional photos we took of ourselves dressed to go out to dinner.

I’m not sure what’s going on with my right eye here.  I think it got stuck.

Eugene’s poof was not cooperating.

We take ourselves very seriously.  Obviously.

This makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I look at it.

The point of these pictures was to capture our full outfits, especially our sassy new shoes.  Clearly we succeeded.

Not.

We ventured down to the Gulch and had a delicious dinner at Sambuca’s, where we enjoyed some great live music in our VERY tall shoes.  We also had a celebrity sighting, which was a special present that I organized for Eugene (not really, but that’s what I told her.  I won some major points).

After enjoying ourselves thoroughly at dinner, we started toward the door and realized it was pouring rain outside.  We decided to wait it out for a little while, but then it just started raining harder.

Wonderful.

So, we agreed to cut our losses, take off our new tall (and suede) shoes, stick them in my purse and run for the hills (the car).  I hope someone witnessed this and had a good laugh.

The next morning I whipped up a gourmet breakfast of Eggo waffles, butter and butter-flavored syrup.  I then served this delicacy on my formal storage bin table next to the sofa.  I know this made Eugene feel really special.

As I tried to take a picture of Eugene enjoying this beautiful breakfast spread, my camera went off like a machine gun.  Evidently, the night before as we tried to take pictures before going out to dinner, Eugene had adjusted my camera to a timed, rapid-fire setting so we could back up and get a picture of ourselves since there was no one else to take a photo of us.   I was not aware that my camera was still on this setting when I turned it on the next morning.  As it went off, my instinct was to find cover because I had no idea what was happening.

Eugene just shook her head.

All in all, I would call it a very successful weekend of birthday/sister shenanigans.

Welcome to the third decade of your life, poodle.   I hope you had a stupendous Birthday.

I LAHV you.

Y’all be careful and take an umbrella,

Sugarlump